Firsts
by jonghyundroppedthesoap
Summary: Goten is fourteen when he first realises he's in love with his best friend. It just might take a few more years for his best friend to realise the same. Is it finally time to push those beds back together?


At fourteen years of age, Goten first realised that what he felt for Trunks wasn't what people _usually_ felt for their best friends.

He'd first come to this realisation upon observing Krillin and Goku talking to one another at one of the Z Fighters' occasional gatherings. They'd laughed, talked about their lives, and jokingly made fun of one another, but other than that – nothing much. There was no blushing (except when Krillin made some rather embarrassing innuendos), no eye contact for longer than necessary, no hugging, and certainly no desire to kiss the other.

Best friends at school bumped shoulders in the corridors, ruffled each other's hair, talked about girls and complained about homework, but Goten was fairly certain they didn't share a bed at sleepovers and think about growing old together.

Goten was fourteen years old when he first realised he was in love with his best friend.

Heartbreakingly enough, when he was fifteen, Goten began to realise that perhaps, Trunks didn't feel the same way about him.

Every time the older boy joked about Goten's video game skills (or lack thereof), ruffled his hair playfully, and talked about girls, the pieces of the puzzle gradually began to slot themselves together. They still sparred and saw each other every day, went on adventures and tried, to no avail, to collect all seven dragon balls, but Goten could see that these small things didn't mean the same to Trunks as they meant to him.

The final piece of the puzzle, and what was perhaps the confirming factor in Goten's realisation, was the day when Trunks suggested that they stop sleeping in the same bed. Goten had tried to be nonchalant about it and agree wholeheartedly with the decision, but Trunks had seen the hesitation in Goten's eyes and instead smiled at him warmly. "How about we just push two single beds together, then? We can separate them whenever you feel like it."

Goten was fifteen years old when he first realised that his best friend wasn't in love with him.

Goten was sixteen when he finally felt the need to tell somebody.

He was rather proud of himself for keeping a secret for two years straight mind you, yet the more he thought about it, the more Goten felt as though he was going to explode. His options were limited, of course. Trunks himself was out of the question, as was his mother. His father couldn't keep a secret to save his life and wouldn't understand Goten's dilemma anyway, not to mention that he probably wouldn't care. He could rant to Pan just to get it off his chest, but going to a five year old with his problems most likely wouldn't have any benefit whatsoever.

After a bit of consideration, Goten concluded that Gohan would be the best person to tell, and set off to do so almost immediately. He'd always cared strongly for his brother's opinion and approval, and this time was no different. But like he always had, Gohan sat patiently and listened to every word Goten had to say, smiling knowingly and pulling Goten into, although he wouldn't admit it aloud, a much needed hug.

"It just sucks." Goten had mumbled into Gohan's shoulder.

"I know." Gohan had replied.

Goten was sixteen years old when the weight of toxic silence was finally lifted.

When Goten was seventeen, Trunks first noticed that the younger boy liked him in an entirely different way than to how Trunks liked Goten.

He should have realised it earlier – he was rather observant, after all. But instead, it hit him like a ton of bricks all at once. With their two single beds laying side by side on one particular night, Trunks had been working up the courage to tell Goten about his feelings for Mai. They were best friends – it really shouldn't have felt so difficult. Yet nevertheless, Trunks found himself becoming self-conscious as he called out Goten's name.

"Goten?"

Onyx eyes turned to face him, falling to Trunks' lips before hastily lifting back up to meet his eyes. A crimson rouge decorated Goten's cheeks and he coughed awkwardly in an attempt to cover it up. But Trunks had seen it. The same expression on Goten's face that he was certain embellished his own when he spoke to Mai. And he finally understood his hesitation.

"Y-You like me, don't you?"

Goten had looked as though he wanted to cry, before nodding shamefully. Shuffling further over to the edge of his bed, he regarded Trunks with a wavering glance. Trunks knew what the younger wanted to ask. He could see the curiosity swimming in black orbs. But…

"I'm sorry, 'Ten. You're my best friend. It'd just be… I just don't," Trunks exhaled shakily, "see you like that."

Goten was seventeen years old when he first felt the cruel hand of rejection.

At eighteen, Goten watched as Trunks and Mai officially began dating.

He'd known for a while that his best friend harboured some feelings for her, but it was still quite the punch in the gut when it turned out Mai felt the same about him. Goten congratulated Trunks, like any old best friend would, and bumped his shoulder playfully.

"You dog, you." he'd laughed, though voice void of any humour.

Trunks had looked happy, ecstatic even, and Goten didn't want to be the cloud that rained on his parade. Even if it hurt more than being pummelled to near death by Broly, or even Buu.

With their newfound relationship came a feeling that Goten found he had never experienced before. Although Mai had been his friend since childhood and he had never harboured any negativity towards her, all of a sudden Goten found his skin prickling with hatred every time he looked her way. Her face, her voice, her hair and her clothes. The way she flirted with Trunks and held his hand at any given opportunity. It made his stomach turn with disgust.

Goten was eighteen years old when he first felt a jealousy so strong it turned him green.

When he was nineteen, Marron asked Goten on a date, and Goten found that being on the giving side of rejection wasn't much easier than receiving it.

With her uncommon timidness and habit of fluttering her lashes, Goten honestly should have seen it sooner. But he'd inherited an unnatural bout of naivety from his father, and quite frankly didn't really have much experience with the female species.

Marron was one of his closest friends. And breaking it to her that he, simply, didn't feel the same, was one of the hardest things that Goten had ever had to do. He watched the shine of hope fade from her eyes and the marginal slouch of the shoulders. Even though it was painful, Goten finally understood the turmoil he had forced Trunks through.

Goten was nineteen years old when he first cried himself to sleep.

Upon turning twenty, Goten's feelings still hadn't changed.

Seated on the floor of Trunks' bedroom with their eyes focused solely on the screen before them, Goten felt himself unconsciously smiling at the profanities which Trunks muttered beneath his breath. His mind wasn't really on the game, but nonetheless, after years of practice (and a lack of dating) Goten had finally become more adept than the older boy.

"Damn it, Goten," Trunks cussed, dropping his controller in exasperation. "When did you get so good at this?"

Goten shrugged and finally broke his gaze away from the screen, regarding his best friend with a sheepish smile. "I guess when you were off on all those dates with Mai." he laughed softly.

"Yeah," laughed Trunks, turning to look at Goten. "That makes sense."

A pang shot through Goten's heart at Trunks' casually mussed hair, glowing cheeks and euphorically crinkled eyes. His mind recollected every moment they had shared together, every struggle, and every triumph, before considering how much time they had left. How many more times they'd sit together on Trunks' bedroom floor, eating junk, playing video games, and complaining about school.

And he knew it was wrong. He knew that Trunks was in a relationship, and that he was happy. But Goten was tired of being selfless. For once, he wanted to make a decision that made _him_ happy – not worry about anybody else.

So in a sudden bout of confidence, Goten promptly leaned forward to close the space between them, one hand lifting to clutch the fabric of Trunks' shirt, whilst the other rested softly atop the older boy's knee.

It was short. Two seconds maximum. But the feeling of his mouth pressed delicately against Trunk's soft lips, was, to Goten, the world. And he wouldn't have traded the world for anything.

Goten was twenty years old when he first allowed himself to submerse in the exhilaration of selfishness.

The following year, Goten had practically given up.

It had been the night of Trunks and Mai's engagement party, and Capsule Corporation had been bustling with all kinds of guests. As soon as he arrived, Goten's palms had dampened with sweat, overwhelmed by the crowd who were all there to celebrate the engagement of the man he'd loved his entire life. He'd stayed for a few hours, but eventually it had just become too much, and Goten left out the back door with tears prickling his eyes.

"Oh! Goten…What are you doing out here?" came the startled voice of Marron, ears tinging red as her former crush's eyes landed on her dishevelled clothes and swollen lips.

Goten's lips hinted a smirk, brows rising suspiciously as his eyes flickered to the wall behind Marron. "I could ask the same to you. Hey, Uub."

Awkwardly, Uub's face peered out from around the corner and he laughed sheepishly. "Hey, Goten. Caught me red handed."

A few silent seconds passed as the three surveyed one another, before Marron commented bluntly. "You're about to cry. What's wrong?"

"O-Oh? No, nothing. They're just a little sensitive after one too many shots in there. Don't worry. I don't really wanna bother you guys for much longer, so I'm just gonna go get some fresh air, alright? See ya…"

Marron and Uub waved goodbye, and Goten blasted off with a sudden gust of wind away from West City. He headed towards nowhere in particular, mind clouded with regret, jealousy, and grievous desolation. Eventually landing by a strong rapid, Goten fell to his knees and gripped the soil desperately, tears slowly accumulating into heaving sobs.

He was all alone. He had no one left.

With his father back, his mother no longer needed nor wanted him. Goten was merely a disappointment who failed every test and assignment despite endless hours of study. He was already twenty-one, but had never dated anyone, let alone the girl his mother had always hoped for. In comparison to Gohan, he was nothing.

Trunks, whom he had given his heart to, felt nothing in return. They were still, and were always going to be, best friends, but Goten would never stop yearning for something _more_. Something that would finally allow Goten to feel truly happy and complete. Mai would always be in the picture, and even though Goten hated thinking such thoughts, he _hated_ Mai for condemning him to a life of emptiness and isolation. He hated her for taking away the one thing in life that made him feel alive, and that let him be just himself, no matter how smart or strong.

Nobody knew the real him. He was, after all, just a 'carbon copy of his father'. Goten stared at his distorted reflection in the tumultuous depths, tears blending with the current as they fell down his cheeks and into water below. Even Goten didn't know the real him. His whole life, expectations and influences had moulded him into the person everyone wanted him to be, but never had he allowed himself to ponder: 'who did _he_ want to be?'

And Goten found that he didn't care to ponder. Instead, he merely wanted the pain which haunted him every day to disappear. Hesitantly, he shifted closer to the river, water lapping at his knees. He was sobbing aloud now and his hands shook violently, and for a brief second, Goten wondered what it would be like to simply fall into the river and never emerge. His morbid thoughts startled even himself, and with a loud cry, his entire body buckled beneath him and he fell against the softened soil. He cried like that, with water splashing his face and mixing with the stream of tears, until his chest ached and his lungs struggled for air.

Goten was vaguely aware of the pair of arms which had wrapped themselves around his shoulders in a tight embrace, but couldn't comprehend that he was flying until he landed again, the same arms still locked around his shaking frame. Mumbled, barely coherent whispers were spoken desperately against his neck, and albeit slowly, Goten felt himself relaxing against the firm body which refused to let go.

He was finally calm enough to decipher some of the man's words, and Goten could his feel his chest tightening at the realisation of just _who_ his mysterious saviour was.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Goten. I'm so sorry."

Goten was twenty-one years old when he first allowed himself to wallow in the possibility of his best friend maybe being in love with him too.

When Goten was twenty-two, he watched with a sick sense of hope as Trunks cried in his arms.

According to his best friend, Mai had called off their engagement the night prior, with revelations of true age and intentions coming to light.

"She said she couldn't keep leading me down a path I was going to regret. Some shit about how she knew me better than I knew myself, and that we needed some time alone." Trunks had exclaimed angrily, kicking the walls and collapsing onto his bed as Goten watched. "And then, as I was trying to talk her out of it, she said she wasn't the person I thought she was...spurting some bullshit about being de-aged by the dragon balls. What the actual fuck?"

And then, before Goten could offer any words of condolence, Trunks' anger shifted abruptly to sadness, tears falling freely against his pillow. For the first time in a while, Goten could finally empathise with the boy he had loved for so long. Because he knew all too well what it was like to be rejected by the person you cared for the most. It was jealousy. It was anger. It was an unwillingness to acknowledge the truth. But mostly, it was a black hole of infinite misery.

Without hesitation, he picked himself up from the floor and lay beside Trunks, pulling his best friend into his arms. They lay like that for what seemed like hours, and when Trunks' tears finally came to a halt, Goten half expected him to pull away from their embrace with distaste. Instead, his eyelids flickered opened, and Goten couldn't help but gasp at how beautiful Trunks' glistening, blue eyes looked as they gazed into his own onyx orbs. And it seemed as though Trunks had experienced a similar revelation, his grip tightening on the cotton fabric of Goten's shirt.

"I'm a selfish pig." he whispered.

"No, you're not."

"I am, Goten. I was so caught up in Mai and this warped idea of getting married to a beautiful woman to appease everyone else, that I didn't even pause to acknowledge what I already had. Everything I need, everything that makes me happy… It's been right in front of me this whole time. I just had to open my eyes."

Goten was twenty-two years old when _Trunks_ first kissed _him_. Goten had been more than happy to oblige, and it was the best feeling in the world.

At twenty-three, Goten had never felt happier.

He'd come to this realisation at the same place it had all begun – one of the Z fighters' occasional gatherings. But rather than watching the others around him interact and socialise, the others were watching _him_.

Goku gaped with wide, yet warm eyes, whilst Chi Chi had (unsurprisingly) already passed out. Marron had wiggled her eyebrows, and winked as though she had known all along. Vegeta scowled and crossed his arms, but Goten could tell upon further speculation that the prince was actually quite pleased with the development. Bulma had him wrapped in an ecstatic hug before any words could even be spoken. Piccolo's expression hadn't shifted in the slightest, though Goten was certain he'd seen a mischievous sparkle glinting in the Namekian's eyes. The other Z fighters had looked, albeit unsettled, authentically happy for Goten, but Goten didn't care much for their opinion. Rather, he found his gaze searching for one figure in particular, joy swelling in his chest as his eyes fell upon Gohan. His older brother, with Pan jutted on his hip, beamed at Goten with pride, offering the younger Son an enthusiastic thumbs up. And that smile, that unadulterated pride swimming in Gohan's eyes, was all the approval Goten needed before turning to Trunks and pulling his best friend boyfriend into a passionate kiss.

He ignored the catcalls and whistles he was certain were thanks to Krillin, Yamcha and Master Roshi, and merely allowed himself to sink against Trunks' embrace. He smiled against the crook of the older male's neck and glowed with a mirth unlike any other. Trunks held him tightly, lips ghosting the shell of Goten's ear.

"I love you." he had whispered.

Goten was twenty-three years old, and without hesitation, he whispered the words back.

He loved his best friend, and his best friend loved him.

Life was good.


End file.
